In the realm of Discernment Counseling, the main objective is to navigate through the possibilities a couple faces: should they 1) remain together and maintain the status quo, 2) opt for separation or divorce, or 3) commit to six months of couples counseling where both partners are genuinely dedicated to the process and agree not to “threaten” divorce during that period. This approach is most apt when one partner is inclined towards couples therapy while the other is less enthusiastic about the relationship. It is a time-limited protocol, with each session focused on clarifying the desired path for each individual. Dissimilar to couples therapy, its goal is to determine a path forward, rather than delve into the underlying dynamics of the relationship. While we do acknowledge and address these dynamics along the way, our primary focus during this time-limited work is not on “changing” them.
Discernment counseling can prove to be immensely beneficial as it clarifies the path for couples counseling and helps both parties understand their intentions in committing to the process. Alternatively, it can also solidify the realization that they are too distant or unwilling to engage in couples counseling, setting the stage for a more accepting and healthier separation.
Personally, I find joy in this work as it allows me to assess the bigger picture and reflect upon the dynamics that surface during our sessions. However, the ultimate decision lies with each individual, and I strive to offer as much neutrality as possible. Respecting my clients’ autonomy, I leave it to them to decide how they wish to proceed. Throughout this process, I maintain realism in my observations regarding dynamics that may reoccur in other relationships, as I believe this information is valuable for individuals. Additionally, I pay great attention to pragmatic questions, particularly if children are involved, ensuring that parties remain grounded in realistic expectations regarding the potential impact of a proposed separation. It is important to note that my approach is not authoritative but rather inquisitive, honoring each person’s self-insight and ensuring I prompt them to explore without imposing my own opinions or instructions.